Public speaking is a nightmare for the majority of us but given the right script even the most tongue-tide novice can come across as a raconteur.
After discussing your situation I will deliver you a polished scripted speech that contains the right balance of humour, brevity and sincerity whatever the occasion, from a wedding reception to a business breakfast or a funeral service to a retirement do.
I was asked to write a speech for the unveiling of a set of rugby posts, which were saved from Stradey Park, in the town’s coastal park.
Stradey Park 1879-2008
Just a few penalty kicks from here stood Stradey Park, the spiritual home of Llanelli Rugby Football Club. Never did a sports ground so epitomise the heart and soul of a town. Quite simply Stradey was, and still is to many, Llanelli.
Generations of children enjoyed a rite of passage, passing through its gates to stand in their parents’ coat-tails, on the crowded terraces, to marvel at a mix of skill and sorcery that would ignite a lifelong Scarlet passion.
Even in the depths of winter, on drab Saturday afternoons or mist-murky midweek evenings, its four floodlit beacons guided the faithful in their thousands to Stradey. The town outside would be put on hold as the hushed, heart-in-the-mouth silences and screaming roars echoed down the deserted streets, shaking the windows and rattling the doors to startle the left-behind cats and dogs, letting the whole world know that Llanelli were playing and that it should be there.
Max Boyce sang about being there following that never-to-be-forgotten day, October 31, 1972, when little Llanelli shocked the rugby-playing universe by beating the mighty All Blacks 9-3.
There were many other moments to be there… a first international scalp in 1908 when Australia were humbled 8-3, narrow one-point near-misses against the brutal South African sides of 1912 and 1970; and 1992, when THAT try was scored beneath the very posts standing before you today, to seal a 13-9 win against the then World Champion Wallabies.
The list goes on. Just as one sublime sidestep or bone-shuddering tackle doesn’t make a game, Stradey was built upon innumerable mesmerising moments. After seeing its first match, against Neath in 1879, it went on to become a breeding ground for legends, who carried the name of Llanelli forward with Wales, the Barbarians and the British and Irish Lions.
And now, Stradey is not there – except in the hearts and minds of the faithful – having been replaced by Parc y Scarlets in 2008.
Time will move on but Stradey Park will never be forgotten – close your eyes and stand tall place your hand on your Scarlet-blood-pumping heart, lift your head to the breeze and hear the roar of 15,000 people standing, as one, to salute their Scarlet heroes.
May this corner of Sandy Water Park forever be a shrine to Stradey… its players and the Scarlet faithful.
What they said:
“Geraint’s words reduced many of the former players to tears. It was the best description of what Stradey means to the town and all who love Llanelli rugby club that I have ever seen.” – Terry Davies Llanelli, Wales and Lions
Golf Dinner Speech
I was commissioned to write a speech for a dinner to mark the handover of captains at a golf club.
Having chatted about the two individuals involved, and agreed upon a humorous approach, I wrote a speech incorporating new and tried and tested golf related gags.
The committee member delivered a near perfect speech that brought the house down.
Here is the opening…
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests and those who snook in.
Tonight is a tale of two captains… Paula and Lynne.
Changing captains is a bit like changing your pants… it’s something that can’t be put off indefinitely… no matter how much you may want to cling on to them!
Paula… losing you is like saying goodbye to your favourite pair of big pants…
they may be tired and worn but they are comfortable… a perfect fit… they offer you support… you have faced all sorts of crap together but they have always covered your ass!
But change you must and that brings us to Lynne… the new pair!
To begin with they may be a bit stiff, uncomfortable and starchy… a real pain in the bum… but stick with it and you will soon get into the groove!
Incidentally it’s nice to see (name) here tonight. Her pants remind me of golf… as there usually a hole in one!
What can I say about Paula? She has the rare ability of being able to light up a room… just by leaving it.
Give her another brain… and she would have one.
I’m only pulling her leg of course… you don’t need me to tell you what a great person Lynne is… she will quite happily tell you herself.
Like all of us Paula is not getting any younger… if you are thinking of shaking her hand later… just hold it… it will shake itself!
Despite her advancing age – and handicap – Paula only plays 9 holes these days – you often hear her shouting 2 as she slices her shots.
But Paula – or should I say Stirling Moss – has benefitted from her golf buggy.
She prefers a golf buggy to a caddie because the buggy can’t count… criticise… laugh
While she is not quite ready to drive off into the sunset Paula has taken up another sport… she has always wanted to play with bigger balls… so she took up bowls… the only problem is the other players complain about her buggy cutting up the bowling green.
And so as one door closes… someone jambs their finger!
I want to welcome our new captain Lynne…..
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